You may have heard me say all men are teachers. When I was dating, as soon as I stopped coming home from a date and determining if it was “bad” or “good” and instead saw every date as a teacher, everything changed.
Everyone we have ever dated was teaching us something! This is a huge shift for me and I talk about this in my book about how focusing on the lessons you learn from each person you meet helps you refine what you really WANT, and takes away anger, frustration, and blame. It’s a strategy because if we see ourselves as students and not victims, we can become crystal clear on who we want to attract, and become a magnet for him. Here are the top lessons I’ve learned from teachers along the way:
- Sex is not love. Sex is sex. Sex is awesome, but I had this belief that men only wanted me for sex, and I hated that. However, I relied on the attention from teachers to “make” me feel good because I didn’t feel good about myself. Sex is a powerful drug, and it made me believe I had love when it was just lust and hormones and my deep desire to STOP dating. You want sex, have sex. Don’t confuse it for love. I did it for a long time. And if you don’t know him, he doesn’t love you, never will, and he won’t call you in the morning.
- Love is an action verb. I fell for the words and the flattery soooo many times. I wanted to believe he loved me. I was so easily sold, especially teachers with blue keys and dimples! Such a sucker! You want to get to a place where you recognize words mean nothing, and you don’t NEED someone to tell you you are beautiful. His actions tell you if he loves you. If he’s courteous, helpful, does he offer to take things and carry them for you, when you walk, does he go to the street side of the sidewalk? his actions will tell you if his number one priority is your happiness and well-being. The last teacher before John couldn’t even bother getting his ass off the couch when I got sick. I knew before then that I needed to fire him, but that was the signal! It led me to add to my soulmate list that “My soulmate will be there for me when I need him. He will come over when I am sick and bring me ice cream.” more about the Soulmate List in this blog.
- You will always attract who you are, and not who you want.
That’s why the work is so important. I realized I won’t attract a badass unless I felt like a badass myself. If you want to attract a relationship you’ve always wanted, you must become the person you’ve always wanted to be. I kept attracting super fun hilarious liars. Because I hadn’t done the things I really needed to do in order to feel good about my self, I felt less than my best. Therefore, I was attracting teachers who felt the same about themselves. So I asked myself, “Why DON’T I feel like a badass? And I made a list (I call it my boss list) and got to work. If you’re attracting teachers who get shit-faced every time you see him, you need to lay off the booze.
- I didn’t attract real love until I didn’t need a break from my life. When I was constantly focused on what I couldn’t do, everything I HAD to do, all of my responsibilities, and I told myself over and over again how overwhelmed I was, and I lived for girl’s night. I was Capricorn uber-responsible super mom 90% of the time, and that 10%, watch out. This mom was coming out to PARTY! Guess who I attracted? PARTY PEOPLE! No one you would bring home to meet the parents. It was fun, but I hated myself in the morning. It wasn’t until I focused within and worked on my goals, and created a life that I loved and DIDN’T need a break from that I attracted Mr. Right. And we still like to party! He even goes dancing with me, AND we are taking ballroom dancing lessons and were going to go country dancing soon! It’s literally been my dream my whole life to fall in love and learn how to country dance with my husband. It was also on my soul mate list.
- The best revenge is to have an incredible life. When you’re pissed an angry and hurt because some asshole didn’t call you back (sorry, we call them teachers, ladies hahaha I forgot my own rule) what is the best revenge? To go be awesome. and if you feel like it, share your awesomeness all over social media. Take care of your self and have fun!
- Working on improving yourself takes the same amount of energy as obsessing about the past. how much time do we waste belaboring over the past and our ex’s and bad dates, and people we think did us wrong? So much wasted time! We could use that same time to do something that makes us feel good and improve!
Some people were only meant to come into our lives for a season. Some teachers were never meant to be in our life long term.
We could only learn that one lesson we needed to learn from that encounter with that specific teacher, no matter how long you were together. All breakups suck, but focusing on kicking ass and becoming Super Woman is the antidote to anger! Hot yoga works for that, too. I sweat it all out, cry it all out, burn 900 calories, and I feel like I can conquer the world after that!
If you want more strategies, you can find them in my book Becoming Mrs. Stanley! And you can also sign up to receive my newsletter below, so you don’t miss out on tips on how to attract the love of your life! If you’d also like to listen to My Love Playlist, feel free to check out my Spotify!
Wishing you lots of love!